I find myself constantly oscillating between these two, no three feelings:
1. that, like Freddie Mercury so wisely declares in Bohemian Rhapsody, "Nothing Really Matters..."
2. that, in a very real and humbling and raw way, my life is what I make it... so I better get making, gonsarnnit. And it's this compulsion, of always wanting/needing to prove that to myself, of having this visible, discernable record of my evolving/devolving Self-making, that drives these nonsensical weirdo adventures of mine. Epileptic fits of willful displacement. Pedal terrets syndrome. I have this belief (and I know it's wrong) that the life I make in Toronto has too many helping hands, that it's like cheating. And... if I really mean it, if I really believe that I'm good enough and smart enough, then I have to start fresh. with nothing. See what art I can make with these humble hands. It's part personal validation, part arrogant conviction, that I can do anything and be anything... that it's not for lack of skill and ability, only will and motivation.
3. that life is for playing/trying/experimenting. And my personal mission is to play/try/experiment the hell out of life. RE: 1.
This is me. It kinda freaks me out how stubbornly I believe this shit, but I do. I take myself way too seriously. And I take my life not seriously enough.
1. that, like Freddie Mercury so wisely declares in Bohemian Rhapsody, "Nothing Really Matters..."
2. that, in a very real and humbling and raw way, my life is what I make it... so I better get making, gonsarnnit. And it's this compulsion, of always wanting/needing to prove that to myself, of having this visible, discernable record of my evolving/devolving Self-making, that drives these nonsensical weirdo adventures of mine. Epileptic fits of willful displacement. Pedal terrets syndrome. I have this belief (and I know it's wrong) that the life I make in Toronto has too many helping hands, that it's like cheating. And... if I really mean it, if I really believe that I'm good enough and smart enough, then I have to start fresh. with nothing. See what art I can make with these humble hands. It's part personal validation, part arrogant conviction, that I can do anything and be anything... that it's not for lack of skill and ability, only will and motivation.
3. that life is for playing/trying/experimenting. And my personal mission is to play/try/experiment the hell out of life. RE: 1.
This is me. It kinda freaks me out how stubbornly I believe this shit, but I do. I take myself way too seriously. And I take my life not seriously enough.
