meaning in the moving design

I read an article recently where someone was trying to make an academic argument about blogging being a revolutionary type of writing, because it's immediate and public and there's no moment of reflection or room to edit and blah blah blah. I don't really feel nearly as self-righteous, but I've decided to try it his way anyway. So. Immediate thoughts. No hesitation. Think, write, publish. All systems go.

I hate making decisions. I usually find a way to have destiny make them for me. I learned this from Jean-Paul Jeunet-- if he rings the doorbell within the next 10 seconds, it means he loves me etc.
In my case, it's if someone doesn't offer me A by next month, then I'm going to do B. Or, I'm going to go to C in one week, unless someone tells me where to go right now.

When left with the things that I and I alone have to decide, I panic... more specifically, I flail. Violently. With all available limbs. i am a danger to myself and others. You don't want to come anywhere near me, lest I drop kick you to the face. I have this awful tendency to over-complicate matters... like if I have to decide between A and B; if left to my own devices, I will likely throw a C and a D into the mix, and introduce an A+1, A+2 etc. I map out my quantum reality- 20 possibilities, 20 paths, 20 worlds... In my mind, Im like the schizophrenic on CSI whose covered the walls with schematics of my life.

[breath]

In high school English class I learned about pathetic fallacy, where environment mimicks moods. Well, I wonder if they have a word for life mimicking environment. Taipei is fast. Everything happens at once, all the time, at a dizzying pace. My life feels especially fast here. And I'm not talking about my walking pace, which yes, has gotten pretty speedy. Im not even talking about my general demeanor, which yes, has gotten faster, crazier, much more intense. I'm all fire here, I ain't quiet about it at all. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it has its moments.. but I swear, there is a chill side to me... Im just not really sure where it's at right now. Im a hyper hypo out here WOO! But all this I can lay on myself, flailing reflex and such.

No, what's most interesting about this "internal-mirrors-external-and/or-vice-versa" business is how all the stuff in my life beyond my control is also coincidentally suspiciously ridiculously.... FAST. I think everyone has life dramas... but naw, they ain't got nothing on me and my family this year. This is ABNORMAL.

So, Im sitting here, as some part of taipei kicks some quantum cause and effect dust in my face, wondering where it's all coming from.... is it me, the city, or the universe? Whoever is setting things on fast forward best be dropping that remote, is all.
Put the remote down slowly and we can all walk away
Stay cool, yo. Stay cool.


* a draft saved from last year. I.. did not think, write and publish. but close enough.

Every Chinese character has a story. Often a long, meandering story, rich in symbolism. The charcter for "female" depicts a woman kneeling in submission, and the character for "tranquility", is the female character under a house. Whoever invented these characters, they assumed that the story was a universal kind of truth. they didnt realize how subjective the story was. In some cases these stories become values frozen in time. They outline a narrative that Chinese people are culturally subserviant to, but will continue to identify less and less with.

There is something about this logic that reminds me of myself, though i cant quite put my finger on how. It has something to do with being needlessly complicated, with getting caught up in the details... with being consumed by my own subjectivity. I guess the Chinese way of thinking is just really bloody neurotic- everything means something, and the thread of meaning runs deep. You end up getting stuck in some all-encompassing history that's not even yours. Like using all these ideologically-outdated characters to narrate your reality today. Sometimes things are just coded in ways that I don't relate to, or understand.

We are saddled by our upbringing, by whichever way we were formed. If we grew up feeling negative, its easy to lean towards negativity. If at first we give too much, it's hard to learn how to be selfish later. If we were raised to be conservative, it's impossible to feel fully free.

A few years ago, I was on a personal mission to figure out the difference between habit and instinct. My argument was that there was no difference; that habits are instinctual. They are disguised as natural reactions, but in actuality, they are learned, and so can be unlearned. So, pumped by this new revelation, I took an inventory of all my habits, my long list of bad behavior and I started to unpack. I can't exactly remember what was going on in my life at the moment, but I was convinced that it was something happening collectively, to me and the people closest to me. I had an image of all of us packing up all our baggage, and jumping off a cliff. The lightest of us would fly while the pack rats would fall, like a test to see if we could change with the times.

I took a trip to the Philippines last month and I did something I've always thought about doing but have never done before- I didn't bring a guidebook.

But since I was only going for a week, I decided to try it out. It seemed pretty straight forward- land in Cebu, take the ferry to Bohol, head to Panglao Island, reverse. Plus, there were a million resources online in the form of blogs. So, I'm doing this trip report, as a way of thanking all the random and anonymous blogs and forums that helped me with planning my trip*. As is often the case with me, though, things got... complicated.

So, for the sake of classification, I'll label the nitty gritty trip details as "This, That" and the long epic drama as "The Other". Do as you will, read as you want.

This, That
Everyone always wants to know about the weather, so I'll start with that. I went to Bohol at the beginning of September, the end of their monsoon season. Bohol is below the typhoon belt, so it's not actually affected very often. The first two days were overcast but it only rained at night. The rest of the week looked like this:

The coolest thing was the lightning shows across the water. Every now and again, there would be a flash of white or orange light in the distance, and the silhouette of the clouds could be seen. Im a total sucker for lightning shows, so that was pretty cool.

There seemed to be a shortage of metered taxis (unusual, I was told) at the Cebu airport so I haggled with a man to get a ride to Fuenta Osmena for 100 pesos. He was there to pick up some company's staff members and had extra seats, so he didn't care much. I hadn't booked a hotel or anything, but there were plenty in the area, so I just figured I'd find something. It was harder than I thought- Jasmine Pension House, booked; Verbena, booked. I finally got a room at the Capitol Tourist Inn for 650p. It was quite big, but kinda sucked. I had a few cockroaches, the staff was kind of rude and bad ghetto booty music blared from their rooftop bar until 3am. So... I wouldn't reccommend that to anyone unless they're into that sorta thing.

The next day, I grabbed a taxi to the ferry dock from Osmena. I don't remember the exact fare, but it was cheap, under 100p. I went with Supercat, who had a deal going on, 400p each way. On the ferry I met a young Norwegian couple on their honeymoon, and a lovely Filipina lady going to visit relatives. She had a hotel, so we hopped into her hotel van to get into town so I could change money. From town, me and the Norwegians took a motorella for 250p to stop in Dumaluan and then onto Alona beach. Dumaluan is probably a nicer beach, but too rich for my blood... rooms were in the 2000-3000p range.

On Alona I stayed at Playa Blanca Huts. They wanted 800 but because I was staying for the week, I talked them down to 650 pesos. The room is really basic, but I had my own bathroom and a cute little balcony. I prefer the huts to the sterile cement rooms, of which there are plenty on Alona.

I had one single objective for going to Alona- dive, dive, dive. I chose Philippine Fun Divers, mostly because their equipment is brand spanking new. Dive prices on the island are pretty standard (approx. US$20/dive) but the annoying thing is, if you are renting equipment, all the dive centre equipment charges are per dive, not per day.. which makes it closer to US$30.

Our dive guide at PFD was Toto, an obviously experienced hand who knew exactly where to find all sorts of little critters. our trip to Balicasag was especially awesome- a beautiful island to chill on and a lot of action going on underneath. Lots of nudibranches, an octopus, an eagleray, sea turtles, and quite a few different species of shrimp and crab. It was my first introduction to the macro world, and I found it fascinating.

The only complaint I have about PFD is probably a plus for most people. The staff insist on assembly all your gear for you, all you have to do is strap in and jump out. This is partly because the boat is too small to be muckin about, but also because PFD considers it a kind of service. For a relatively novice diver like me though, it important to do it myself, as I need all the practice I can get.
After diving for a few days, I decided to take a "dry day" and go out to see the tarisers, which are pretty much my favouritest animal in the whole widest world. I rented a scooter for the day at 350 pesos (I haggled, and if you try, you can probably get it for cheaper). The route from Panglao to Corella (where the tarsier sanctuary is) is very straightforward, and generally a beautiful chill ride along the countryside, aside from a bit of a dusty, hectic bit getting through Tagbilaran.


Back to Panglao. On the north end of the island in Dauin is the Bohol Bee Farm with a restaurant and a shop. The food is organic, freshly grown and reasonably-priced. And so so tasty! They serve their soup with freshly baked bread and homemade spread (pesto, mango, honey etc). The restaurant overlooks the shoreline so it's got a great view. It's a awesome place to chill, eat yummy fresh food, and occasionally look up to stare at the sea. Highly reccommend.

Final thoughts about Alona Beach. I'll echo the sentiments of the blogosphere: Only go to Alona is you are a diver. It's a resort island, very touristy (it was low season when I went so it wasn't crowded, but judging from the end to end restaurants, the massage ladies and the general vibe, I think I would've hated it in its high season) and not the greatest beach. There are bancas and dive boats shored up close to the beach, so you're basically swimming between boats. The food on the island is mostly crap, with the exception of the seafood. That said, there's awesome diving right off the coast and Balicasag is beautiful and well worth a visit. Even if you are a diver, I still wouldn't recommend going in high season, because judging from the number of dive shops, I bet the dive sites would be swarming with way too many divers.

The Other
Alright. That's it. And well... I know it's my blog n all, and I can blathe if I want to, but I'm feeling self-conscious about the potential length of this rambling. Maybe I'll feel like telling the story some day, but for now, here's a cryptic list of lessons learned and things discovered:

1. Good luck and bad luck are secretly in bed with each other, there is some divine play at work there, a very intentional balancing act. Good luck knows to appear when bad luck hits, just so you end up feeling kinda neutral about the whole thing. Maybe it's just a consequence of watching too many Jean-Paul Jeunet films, or being a coincidence detective long before I Heart Huckabees came out, but it's true what they say: Life is about timing, good and bad. And if the universe strikes the right chord [which I believe it usually does], the good always cancels out the bad. Nothing lost nothing gained. Wait- I take that back. Most of the time, I'd say that what is lost is temporary, or just evaporates into a good story. But what is gained stays with me... most of the time it stays. and it's pretty humbling.

2. So maybe this is why I'm not afraid to travel. Maybe it's this stubborn belief I have, that no matter how bad it gets, it won't kill me. The universe will provide. For all the bad, I'll get to see the good, specifically the good in people; their unfailing ability to help me when I need it most. It's worked so far... or maybe it hasn't and I'm just in denial about being the worst-lucked traveller in the world.

Meh.

*I have to thank this woman especially. I'm in absolute awe of her dedication. It's an amazing resource for anyone interested in diving in Asia.