I read an article recently where someone was trying to make an academic argument about blogging being a revolutionary type of writing, because it's immediate and public and there's no moment of reflection or room to edit and blah blah blah. I don't really feel nearly as self-righteous, but I've decided to try it his way anyway. So. Immediate thoughts. No hesitation. Think, write, publish. All systems go.
I hate making decisions. I usually find a way to have destiny make them for me. I learned this from Jean-Paul Jeunet-- if he rings the doorbell within the next 10 seconds, it means he loves me etc.
In my case, it's if someone doesn't offer me A by next month, then I'm going to do B. Or, I'm going to go to C in one week, unless someone tells me where to go right now.
When left with the things that I and I alone have to decide, I panic... more specifically, I flail. Violently. With all available limbs. i am a danger to myself and others. You don't want to come anywhere near me, lest I drop kick you to the face. I have this awful tendency to over-complicate matters... like if I have to decide between A and B; if left to my own devices, I will likely throw a C and a D into the mix, and introduce an A+1, A+2 etc. I map out my quantum reality- 20 possibilities, 20 paths, 20 worlds... In my mind, Im like the schizophrenic on CSI whose covered the walls with schematics of my life.
[breath]
In high school English class I learned about pathetic fallacy, where environment mimicks moods. Well, I wonder if they have a word for life mimicking environment. Taipei is fast. Everything happens at once, all the time, at a dizzying pace. My life feels especially fast here. And I'm not talking about my walking pace, which yes, has gotten pretty speedy. Im not even talking about my general demeanor, which yes, has gotten faster, crazier, much more intense. I'm all fire here, I ain't quiet about it at all. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it has its moments.. but I swear, there is a chill side to me... Im just not really sure where it's at right now. Im a hyper hypo out here WOO! But all this I can lay on myself, flailing reflex and such.
No, what's most interesting about this "internal-mirrors-external-and/or-vice-versa" business is how all the stuff in my life beyond my control is also coincidentally suspiciously ridiculously.... FAST. I think everyone has life dramas... but naw, they ain't got nothing on me and my family this year. This is ABNORMAL.
So, Im sitting here, as some part of taipei kicks some quantum cause and effect dust in my face, wondering where it's all coming from.... is it me, the city, or the universe? Whoever is setting things on fast forward best be dropping that remote, is all.
Put the remote down slowly and we can all walk away
Stay cool, yo. Stay cool.
* a draft saved from last year. I.. did not think, write and publish. but close enough.
I hate making decisions. I usually find a way to have destiny make them for me. I learned this from Jean-Paul Jeunet-- if he rings the doorbell within the next 10 seconds, it means he loves me etc.
In my case, it's if someone doesn't offer me A by next month, then I'm going to do B. Or, I'm going to go to C in one week, unless someone tells me where to go right now.
When left with the things that I and I alone have to decide, I panic... more specifically, I flail. Violently. With all available limbs. i am a danger to myself and others. You don't want to come anywhere near me, lest I drop kick you to the face. I have this awful tendency to over-complicate matters... like if I have to decide between A and B; if left to my own devices, I will likely throw a C and a D into the mix, and introduce an A+1, A+2 etc. I map out my quantum reality- 20 possibilities, 20 paths, 20 worlds... In my mind, Im like the schizophrenic on CSI whose covered the walls with schematics of my life.
[breath]
In high school English class I learned about pathetic fallacy, where environment mimicks moods. Well, I wonder if they have a word for life mimicking environment. Taipei is fast. Everything happens at once, all the time, at a dizzying pace. My life feels especially fast here. And I'm not talking about my walking pace, which yes, has gotten pretty speedy. Im not even talking about my general demeanor, which yes, has gotten faster, crazier, much more intense. I'm all fire here, I ain't quiet about it at all. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it has its moments.. but I swear, there is a chill side to me... Im just not really sure where it's at right now. Im a hyper hypo out here WOO! But all this I can lay on myself, flailing reflex and such.
No, what's most interesting about this "internal-mirrors-external-and/or-vice-versa" business is how all the stuff in my life beyond my control is also coincidentally suspiciously ridiculously.... FAST. I think everyone has life dramas... but naw, they ain't got nothing on me and my family this year. This is ABNORMAL.
So, Im sitting here, as some part of taipei kicks some quantum cause and effect dust in my face, wondering where it's all coming from.... is it me, the city, or the universe? Whoever is setting things on fast forward best be dropping that remote, is all.
Put the remote down slowly and we can all walk away
Stay cool, yo. Stay cool.
* a draft saved from last year. I.. did not think, write and publish. but close enough.
